white house correspondent

i have often worried that my achievement peak came my senior year of high school when i came home from the end-of-year recognition ceremony with a bunch of awards.

it was a great moment in my over-achieving, slightly nerdy life, and it is a moment that has not been repeated.

but, my bell curve got a little bump last week when a blog post i wrote for work was reprinted by none other than the white house blog!

since these things don't happen to me much anymore, allow me to repeat.

i was on the WHITE HOUSE BLOG!

that felt good.

you can see the story here, though don't feel obligated to read the whole thing unless you are a) mesmerized by my professional prose and can't help yourself or b) are really interested in employment discrimination law.

either way, the thing to remember is this: I WAS ON THE WHITE HOUSE BLOG!

thanks, obama!

brandon, you're a star

some of you may recall my close and personal encounter with the killers, which, though a while ago now, is still one of my chief cool kid cards.

so, given my close and personal relationship with the band, you can imagine my delight when this video of my homeboy brandon flowers, sharing his belief in mormonism with the entire internet world surfaced. maybe you've seen it already?

if not, check it.

way to go brandon! way to go mormons!

kicks for free

remember when i was the kind of famous that got quoted in the huffington post?

well, now i am the kind of famous that gets quoted in the washington post.

and let us not forget the town talk. (thanks, louisiana!)

with all of this notoriety i thought for sure i would get a call inviting me to the oscars, but i didn't.

weird.

i did get a call asking me to be on a radio program talking about this ever-fascinating topic, though, and i agreed. and then i got really nervous. and then during the (live!) panel discussion i held my telephone to my ear so tightly that it was throbbing for hours afterward. (my ear, not the phone. the phone appeared to be just fine.)

i haven't listened to the program yet because i am not convinced it went all that well, plus listening to my recorded voice always gives me sort of an existential crisis, but other people who heard it said they thought it went just fine so i am going to swallow my pride and give you the link to listen, if you'd like.

adoring praise is always welcome, but if you think it went poorly i would ask you to kindly keep that opinion to yourself.

a few thoughts in the aftermath.

ichi. i disagree with my fellow panelist, joanna, that the author of the new york times article that started all of this hit the nail right on the head in describing what it is like to be a single mormon. i have said before and i will say again now, i think the author of that article was way out in left-field with a totally skewed perspective. and, because i have already said plenty about that, i will leave it there.

ni. i got a little bit worried that i was coming off as cavalier or dismissive of the difficulties other people face in trying to keep the commandments as a mormon. i certainly didn't mean to do that. i find it hard, too. really hard sometimes. but the cliche holds true. if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth it. and i do happen to think that keeping the commandments is worth it, and then some. as i was talking i realized that for as liberal as i think i am in a lot of things, i am actually really conservative when it comes to the way i obey the commandments of the gospel. and i feel OK about that. but i also get it that not everyone is interested in obeying that way, and that's OK, too.

san. i got cut off at the end (my clock said there were two minutes left, but what are you going to do?), which made me really sad because i feel like i ended on a sort of depressing note without saying the most important part of my whole final point. so, lucky you! you get to hear it now. what i wanted to say was this.

yes, i think every woman in the church in my position has to accept the reality that she might not get married. statistically speaking that is a possibility for all of us. and is that a hard pill to swallow? absolutely. because a life of taking out the garbage and setting mouse traps and figuring out finances and going to family reunions and bridal showers and baby showers all by myself forevermore sounds sad and lonely. but-- and this is the important part-- i trust my heavenly father. i trust that he guides me and takes care of me and is aware of me and i absolutely, 100 percent trust him to give me everything i need to make a happy life. that knowledge and assurance and perspective are what keep me in the church, and that knowledge and assurance and perspective are what i think people like our friend at the new york times are missing.

and now, i have a bonus for you!

which is also a bonus for me because i feel like it backs up my defense of chastity quite nicely.

intrigued? check out this article about why men have the advantage in sexual economics, even when they're total losers. give it a read and let me know what you think.

in some ways, the answer is a re-hashing of the "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" argument for chastity, but i think this presents a more nuanced case than that because it isn't a plug for chastity so much as it is a description of the potential consequences of sexual permissiveness. turns out sex is not the magic bullet solution to long-lasting, committed, equitable relationships between men and women. and in fact, sometimes sex can do just the opposite.

which is something i wonder whether our friend at the new york times, or others in her position, thought to consider.

and now i think i might be done beating this particular drum or dead horse or whatever the appropriate phrase is here. i think i have said my piece.

i'm still totally down for going to the oscars, though. maybe 2012?

huffington post(ed)

remember when i was famous because i was in the salt lake tribune?

well, now i am the kind of famous that gets quoted in the huffington post.

sure, it's the same quotes, but this is a whole new platform, and i have been brainstorming all kinds of ways i can turn it into true fame and fortune.

suggestions are welcome.

single white mormon

allow me to return, if i may, to my recent brush with fame.

it all started with this article in the new york times.

i read it, and then i read some responses in the mormon blogosphere, namely the responses found here and here.

and then, just as i was brainstorming a blogosphere response of my own, intrepid salt lake tribune religion report peggy fletcher stack (who is also intrepid first-cousin-once-removed peggy fletcher stack) called and asked if she could interview me for her story about the story. you can enjoy my pearls of wisdom here.

but, there are a few more things i'd like to say. and so i will say them now.

for one. relationships are about more than sex. i feel like we, as mormons, get totally fixated on sex because we aren't having it (before we're married, that is) and we assume that everyone else around us is having it, and so sex becomes the thing that we strive for, the light at the end of the long abstinence tunnel. we are not fully formed, real people until we have sex, we think, and so our relationships and we ourselves cannot be complete without it.

when the truth is that relationships of all kinds are about an infinite number of things, all of which are well within your grasp whether you are having sex or not, including patience and charity and forgiveness and compromise and emotional connectedness and selflessness and giving and taking and learning and teaching.

and, though i have no personal experience on this end of the equation, i would imagine that these are the things that are most important in relationships that do include sex, too. sex isn't the thing that is magically going to turn us into the people we want to be. but treating people with care and respect and tolerance just might.

for two. chastity is about more than sex, or the lack thereof. i was at a temple wedding a year or so ago where the officiator talked about chastity in the context of the marriage relationship. surely, he said, complete physical fidelity is required between a husband and a wife. but, more than that, chastity and fidelity mean never putting your spouse in a bad light for your own gain, never talking down to them or badly about them, never spotlighting their weaknesses, never belittling or betraying trust. i loved this description of chastity. it is about honoring people, physically and otherwise. and i frankly can't see why anyone would think that was a value not worth keeping.

for three. in my opinion, anyone who is willing to leave the church over nothing more than sex before marriage is missing the whole point, the whole essence, the whole magic and blessing of the gospel.

i once heard someone describe it like this.

we should imagine our experience in the gospel, the components of our testimonies and belief as items on a scale, the good or the blessings or the benefits on one side and the bad or the confusing and the unbearable on the other. as long as the good outweighs the bad, the actively participating in the church is worth it. as soon as the bad outweighs the good, maybe it is time to reconsider.

in my personal experience, for all the frustrations and questions i have had about the church, they have never weighed more than the unending blessings the church has given me. and i just cannot imagine that sex, when weighted against the gifts of the gospel, would ever come out on top. unless someone was missing the gifts of the gospel entirely.

of course it is hard and frustrating and sometimes embarrassing (see my last epistle on chastity here) but i still maintain that it is totally, completely, 100 percent worth it and i am going to stay in the fight until the bitter end. because i know that end will not be bitter at all, but oh so sweet.

friday i'm in love

to celebrate the arrival of friday i decided to be quoted in the salt lake tribune. hello, fame. nice to see you.

i have a lot more to tell you on that particular topic (the topic of the article, not the topic of fame) but that is going to have to wait.

because i am also celebrating the arrival of friday with a trip to see the ballet "giselle" at the kennedy center. (thanks, AWD!)

and celebrations will continue tomorrow with a girls-only valentine's day brunch (heart-shaped homemade donuts anyone?) and a screening of "sabrina" at the AFI theater.

so, as you can see, the life of a local celebrity is rather busy.

i hope you have a splendid weekend, too, my babies. see you soon.

the first crusade

in more than a year now of blogging (more on this milestone soon), i have never held a contest, which i understand is something that dedicated bloggers searching for worldwide fame often do. the trouble is, online contests are sort of a pain, especially, i have learned, if the prize is a free dress. but my dad threw down a pretty good challenge in the comments section of the previous post, and i think it deserves a little more exposure. here it is:

OK, all of you Frances blogophiles, time for a contest. Given the less-than-stellar (but in the end beneficial for the Johnson family) performance of Delta Airlines, I think that, using Delta as a acronym, we should come up with what it means. Permit me to give you a few examples, just so you know how the contest works:

Sabena (the old Belgian airline) means Such A Bad Experience Never Again

Alitalia (the old Italian airline) means Always Late In Take-off And Late In Arrival

British Airways means Bloody Awful

You get the point.

Here is my entry for Delta: Don't Ever Like This Airline

Let the fun begin

my friend steve has already taken the challenge on with this entry:

at first blush-

Dung Everywhere - Less Than Average

Driving Every Last Traveler Away

Disastrous Experiences - Labyrinth [0f] Total Apathy

Disturbingly Evil, Like Total A**holes

I know I cheated with the "of". I'll waste my day at work thinking of more.

it's true, steve did cheat with "of," but i say well-placed swears make up for almost anything.

and now, it's your turn! my dad will be really upset if you don't join in, so get on it right away. just pop into the comments section, give it your best shot, and whenever i feel like it, i'll name a winner. let's say i'll do it on monday. as for the prize, i'll spend from now until monday thinking of something awesome. like, you get to come with me to the MTV music video awards show (do they even have that?) when i am nominated for my role in the killers' making-of-the-human-video documentary. or, you know, something like that.

hot fuss

check it out.

sallee and i just got an e-mail (ok, sallee got it and forwarded it to me) that the killers' record label is doing a little documentary about the making of the music video we worked on, and we are in a couple shots! fame and fortune here we come!

lest you brush this off as something less than the biggest deal in the WHOLE WORLD, let me tell you that i just had to fax in a release form to none other than island def jam records (IDJ to me), giving them permission to use my likeness in the project. welcome to the big time.

i must admit, there was a very brief e-consideration of a boycott, given the whole internet censorship debacle. come to think of it, if we had tried harder maybe we could have shut the whole operation down until the band agreed to submit to our demands of even a small amount of making out. with us. but, sallee and i decided to take the high road. plus i still have the bassist's pick, and that, my friends, is what we call leverage.

(also, still waiting to hear from you, mr. flowers!)

i was here

this might be old news to all of you who are more online savvy than me, but the killers' music video, that source of schoolgirl giddiness (still waiting to hear from you, brandon flowers!) and internet censorship, is finally out. (it appears the censorship might still be on, as the embedding option for the video was "disabled by request." but, click on that link and it will take you there.)

i have to say, i think the whole thing looked a lot cooler in real life than it does in this video. some parts of it are, frankly, downright weird. and there were definitely no mountain lions on set, so i am not sure what that is all about. there is also, apparently, some disagreement about whether the chorus says, "are we human/or are we dancer?" or "are we human/or are we denser?" my first-hand opinion is that the word is "dancer" not "denser," but both are pretty idiotic, so i don't think it really matters.

on a more positive note, brandon flowers is completely hot. and the song might have dumb lyrics, but it's still catchy and i like it. and the aerial shots of the valley (i was in that helicopter!) and other long shots of the set are pretty stunning. and, most importantly, i was there. so, lame or not, this video has a special place in my heart.

and, here's a little bonus for you. i don't know if anyone saw the killers on saturday night live recently, but click here and tell me if mr. flowers' jacket looks familiar...

all these things i've done

today i wore a large and creatively-tied scarf in my hair that made me feel hip and cool, but also a little like carmen miranda.

i also took a walk in liberty park and passed a guy wearing a shirt that said, "11 a.m.: headache. and who is this girl?" (if i had a dime for every time...)

and, my totally awesome threadless t-shirt, a birthday present from my big baby brother came in the mail. and i got to see my long-time crush, salt lake city mayor ralph becker.

additionally, and perhaps most importantly, a little interweb research revealed that a certain new song by a certain hip band (who will remain nameless because identifying them on your blog seems to get you into trouble) has, in fact, been released. which means that i can again put up pictures of my time spent working with said band on a music video for said song. this picture might jog your memory.




for the whole story, go here. (or, i guess, just scroll down.)

upon subsequent review, really the only pictures that are independently interesting are these of sallee, our new friend jen and me in the helicopter, so here they are again.













let me reiterate that riding in a helicopter is a totally surreal, wonderful, sort of emotionally connective experience, and definitely worth all the work i had to do flirting with the pilot to get a ride in the first place. let me also reiterate that imposed internet censorship is lame, even if it does come from guys who can rock eyeliner. but it looks like i got the last word after all. so there.

(p.s. because i love you, i'll tell you the new song is called "human" and it's pretty good and you should look for it. fingers crossed that that little divulgence doesn't put the interweb sleuths on my tail again.)

i've got soul and you can be my soldier

{editor's note: i have some good news and some bad news. the good news is, through the magic of this here interweb, the killers have caught wind of this here blog post. (swoon! sigh!) the bad news is, they have requested (somewhat unreasonably, if you ask me) that the pictures be taken down until the video is released. because i would kiss any one of them on the lips, i have reluctantly agreed. but, in more good news, the pictures will be back as soon as the video drops, which i believe is happening on sept. 22. in the meantime, my stunning and witty prose is still available for your reading pleasure.}


dear the killers:

(aka: brandon flowers, lead singer/hottie; dave keuning, guitar/vegetarian; mark stoermer, bass/curly hair-conscious; and ronnie vannuci, drums/fan of the ladies)

i just wanted to write a quick note and let you know how much sallee and i enjoyed working on your music video shoot over the weekend.

we were a little panicked when we almost ran out of gas on our way, but luckily we stumbled upon the (literally) hole in the wall gas station (literally) just in time. i bet you passed it, too, but you were probably asleep on the tour bus.

preparing food and snacks for 50 hungry people (sometimes more) was something of a challenge as we have no catering experience, and the facilities were, ahem, less than desirable. (just for the record, RV kitchens are not made for bulk and cooking usually goes better with running water.)

some of your grips were a little mean about our efforts at first (and, by the way, you might want to tell them that nipple rings are kind of gross), but we won over even the crankiest ones by the end. (frankly, your cinematographer was the worst. i don't care if he did shoot "jurassic park.") and it looked like you enjoyed our culinary delights, especially sallee's authentic north carolina barbecue beef, as well, (hope your portobello mushrooms were also delicious, dave!), even if the whole operation was a little more "down home" than usual, as ronnie put it.

i can see why your tour manager said you guys are a 10 on a niceness scale of 1 to 10. ronnie even remembered my name (though my exhortation to put on sunscreen went unheeded), and mark gave us a big "thank you" when he passed us hauling a massive cooler full of water down to the set. i bet mark wouldn't even be mad if he knew that sallee found his guitar pick in the bathroom and we kept it, even when someone came over the radio and asked if anyone had a pick he could use because his went "missing." (we figured someone who could pay $10,000 for one of the original light sabers used in the "star wars" movies could probably afford to buy a new one. but, mark, if you really need it, i'll send it back. i'll just have to take it out of the frame.)

and brandon, we exchanged a few words and i caught you watching us with, was it fascination?, on many ocassions, but you never came over for a proper conversation. i would have initiated something more substantive than passing comments about cookies if i wasn't so intimidated by the "no soliciting the band" rule. and the feathers on your suit jacket. if you had come over, we could have talked about this whole i'm-an-active-mormon-but-i-smoke-and-drink-sometimes thing. i also heard you drop the f-bomb. you can do better than that, flowers! (call me!)

i know it was a long, hot day for everyone (having the set in the middle of the desert, at the bottom of a steep canyon, probably seemed like a good idea at some point, right? just not when you were hiking up and down in polyester leopard print) but i think the video is going to look awesome!

i am guessing all the european tourists who tried to steal our water think so, too. it was totally fun to watch you guys rocking out down there. i just wish i had more pictures of our time together. but, i get it. closed set, celebrity privacy and all that. (though i am pretty sure a couple from florida wearing socks with their sandals got some of your performance on tape before the park ranger shut them down. you might want to watch out for that.)

the thing i am most sad about, though, is that none of you ever got to ride in the helicopter. aaron, the pilot, was so nice to take us on a little spin once the shooting was done, and it was truly unbelievable. sort of like riding a motorcycle in the air. if you get another chance (and you seem like the kind of guys who can make stuff happen) i highly recommend it.

in the meantime, good luck with the rest of your european tour and the new cd and all that. if you're ever in the area and looking for a mean dutch oven cobbler, you know where to find me. (i wrote it in lipstick on the tour bus mirror.) (not really.)

until next time!
(i love you!)
frances