(they like me! they really like me!)
as i was listening to the teacher, though, i realized something that i wasn't expecting. this was a woman who found an industry she loved (space) and a place for herself in that industry (social media at NASA) and she is all kinds of successful at what she does as a result. i have always really admired women like that and have always believed that, to some extent, i have what it takes to be like them. or, at the very least i have always wanted to be one of them and imagined how that would look for me. i like the idea of the trendy suits and the presenting at conferences and the being in charge and the corporate crusader.
but the more i glimpse what that really means, the more ambiguous i feel about it. by her own admission, this woman'e job was her life. and not just her job-job, but also the things that come along with being so good at her job, like speaking at conferences and hosting events and teaching classes for people like me. and actually, all that traveling and in and out and back and forth and work and work and work even when you're not physically at work, is not entirely appealing to me after all.
and so i started thinking about where it is that i really want to make a difference. i always assumed it would be through my job, but now i am not so sure. maybe because, while i think i have found my skill, i don't think i have found the job or the industry where i can put that skill to use in a passionate way. but maybe because i can project myself into the future in more ways than i used to be able to. whereas before it seemed that my job was the only place for me to make a mark, now i am rethinking my options.
the good news is, i feel OK with a little bit of ambiguity. i find that the more i live my life and see lots of different choices and options in play around me, the less militant i am about things that are probably less absolute than i made them out to be. (and the more absolute i become about the things that really are.) and i think that's a good thing. maybe my corporate crusading is yet to come. who knows? but i'm happy to know that my life won't be over if it isn't.
1 comment:
I had a realization like this when I decided that teaching was not for me. I saw so many people who were passionate about teaching, and I realized that I was not passionate about teaching, even though I really, truly loved history. I decided that I could have a job I actually liked, but it would not be the thing that defined me. I would find other things about which to be passionate. Kudos, Frances! Nothing wrong with not knowing exactly where you're headed.
Post a Comment