guess who's paying for dinner?: post script

i was over at segullah on saturday, posting about dating and money. two things that never cause any problems and that everyone can agree on. (not.)

i would, naturally, encourage you to read the whole post, but for my time-pressed fans i offer the following synopsis. the basic gist of the post is that, despite my desire (demand?) for gender parity and equality in nearly everything else, i still expect boys to pay for dates. even (gasp!) when i am pretty sure i make more money than they do.

a shocking revelation to be sure, and i was expecting to be soundly villified in the comments section. to the contrary, however, there was a general defense of my position, which i ultimately found more alarming than an outpouring of hatred.

obviously the "whoever asks, pays" rule of thumb was referenced, and i think that is a good and fair thing, and a rule i abide by myself. but there also seemed to be a consensus that asking on, and particularly paying for dates is just a natural extension and expression of traditional gender roles, and so is to be accepted and even celebrated.

and that is where i lost the bubble.

it happens that i have a thing against gender roles. now, don't get me wrong. i don't have a thing against the obvious truth that men and women are different. and i might even go so far as to say there are things each gender can do that the other cannot. say, childbirth. or maybe benchpressing 200 pounds.

i do not think, however, that paying for dates falls into the category of divinely attributed gender specifics, and the fact that gender roles could be invoked to defend my point of view makes me think that maybe it is a point of view i shouldn't have at all.

my cousin-in-law nate made the argument that seems most sensible to me, which is that though inconsistent with feminist theory, my attachment to the social norm of men paying for dates works to my economic advantage and so, from the standpoint of economic theory it makes perfect sense.

(i also completely agree with nate's assessment that from a cost-benefit analysis, taking me out to dinner also makes perfect sense.)

ultimately though, i think the whole thing boils down to this. marriage relationships should be about partnership and the equal sharing of burdens of all kinds, and who shoulders what type of burden is up for discussion based on every couple's needs and wants. and if the purpose of dating is to prepare us for marriage, then it seems like a good place to practice this sort of give-and-take.

given the aforementioned economic incentive of free dinners, movies and all the rest, i am not sure this is something i can translate from words to deeds with lightning speed, but i have certainly been given cause to think that maybe my approach isn't all that great.

before i make any rash decisions, though, i want to hear more about what you think. so, don't be shy! hop into the comments and let me have it!

(and, if you are a cute boy reading this, don't be shy! hop into the comments and ask me out to dinner! for real.)

in our lovely deseret

in order to avoid turning this blog into one of those travelogue testimonies, i won't recount a play-by-play of every detail of my trip to salt lake.



i will tell you that taylor lautner/jacob black's abs are worth every minute you have to spend in a theater full of screaming 13-year-old girls.



i will also tell you that it made my heart happy to be back in a familiar place with all these familiar faces.


















{just for the record, this snow did not make my heart happy in the least. but, on the upside, my campaign to convince sallee and nathan to name their baby-on-the-way frances is off to a good start.}


and, of course, i am always happy to see true love.








but most of all, i would like to tell you that, though i loved being back in salt lake, i also felt that i don't belong there anymore. the place and the people will always be in my heart, but my home is somewhere else.

and it feels pretty good.

out-of-towners

are you ready for this?

i am leaving tomorrow for a quick trip to salt lake.

if you are thinking that my life lately has been a little absurd, then i agree.

but, i am also pretty stoked to be back in the slc for a few days.

i just want to warn you, though, i don't think there will be much time for blogging while i am there. i think i am going to be too busy eating a sandwich from toasters and going to d.i. and cuddling my babies and hanging out with my grandma and watching "new moon" with sallee on opening night (!!!) and kicking it with cousins and getting my hair cut and catching up with old co-workers and having FOE and letting myself in through elliott's back door and going to family gathering and having brunch at the blue plate diner and maybe even getting my nails done and sleeping somewhere in there.

and, of course the main event: dating girl and the case of le marriage.

i think you can see it is going to be a pretty busy few days. but, there is always room for more fun! so if you are my friend and you live in salt lake and you are reading this right now, you should call me.

if you are my friend and you don't live in salt lake and you are reading this right now, you should still call me some time.

and if you are not my friend and you are reading this right now, i guess i don't know what to say.

... then comes the baby in the baby carriage

i was back in new york this weekend (i know, right? cry a river about my jet-setting life. except really it is more of a bus-setting life, so i still deserve a smidgen of pity, right?). it was another weekend of celebration, this time in honor of this blessed event:





since jane is one of my favorite people i can only assume that her baby is going to be one of the best around, and i am pretty stoked for him to get here.

it was a great lovely shower, the only un-unlovely part being the (rain) shower outside. bad weather meant not much galavanting around the city this time, but i did manage to meet ben and wendell for a cup of tea, hit up the new upper west side apple store with suvi, get a gang of old friends together for dinner and score brunch with ABK in brooklyn, so i didn't do too badly, if i do say so myself.

and i do.

flags of our fathers

this is what i did today, in honor of veterans.



i slept in (so heavenly), took a trip to target, met dana and scott for lunch in old town alexandria (so heavenly), went to the party supply store, had gourmet hot chocolate downtown (so heavenly), took a nap (so heavenly), read east of eden (not the whole thing, mind you), met with my personal trainer (more on this soon), and finally watched the netflix movie i have had for almost a month.



can every wednesday be a federal holiday?



pretty please?

dating girl and the case of happily ever after

many moons ago, sarah created a character named dating girl.

dating girl represents the dating super hero in all of us. her powers and her skills know no bounds (see: dating girl and the case of the love 'em and leave 'em bastard cowboy, dating girl and the case of the impervious bachelor, dating girl and the case of the mysterious mid-lifer).

from dating girl we learn that within each of us lies the power to love, to be loved and to vanquish all the foes of true love. (raise arm triumphantly and imagine cape swirling behind you here.)

lest you think that dating girl is nothing more than a fable, a story, a fairy tale to give us all hope, i am happy to report that sarah will be married in a few short weeks. and so we see that the powers of dating girl are real.

the occasion of this happy occasion gave our former relief society presidency the occasion to gather in new york city over the weekend to celebrate. (highly convenient that we have all re-concentrated ourselves on the eastern coast, wouldn't you say?)

it was a typical wild bachelorette weekend. like really wild.

i mean, check out the size of these cookies!








wild, right?

and "mary poppins"?



she flies for crying out loud. totally wild. not to mention that i am pretty sure something is going on between mary and bert (burt?) besides just chimney sweeping. if you know what i mean.

the highlight of the (obviously not wild) weekend, though, was a trip to the manhattan temple.



gathered there with these girls i love so dearly, i was glad to be reminded that my life is full of blessings, that good things do in fact happen to good people even when it seems like they never will, and that there is enough good to go around.

i came home hopeful. a renewed believer.

dating girl would be proud.

cup half empty

dear employees at victoria's secret,

might i suggest avoiding the following tactic when attempting to convince me to buy something in your store.

clueless employee: have you heard about our new miracle/magical/mystical push-up bra?

me (secretly and ashamedly intrigued): no.

clueless employee: what cup size are you?

me (sort of embarassed to say it out loud, but interested to see where this is going: an A.

clueless (and now enthused) employee: then you are going to want one of these for SURE!

me (totally unenthused and maybe about to cry): i am not looking for a bra today.

the shame of it is, i actually could have used a new bra. your loss.

sincerely,
A (cup) for effort

frances cake 2.0: the you break it, you eat it edition

you know those couples who lie about where they met, because maybe they met online or speed dating, or maybe at a church dance or a family reunion, and they are kind of embarassed about it, so instead they tell you they met "through mutual friends" or "just, you know, around"?



well, that is sort of how i feel about the friends i made at duck beach. because even though i shouldn't be, i am still a little shy/embarassed about that whole thing. so, when i tell you that i met adangerm "on vacation," i think you'll know what i mean.



adangerm is the perfect companion for concerts and craft fairs, and spontaneous burger-and-movie dates. adangerm also recently broke her ankle (such a sad story!), which made her the perfect (captive) audience for the return of frances cake (see: goal #24).






we went with one of my favorite stand-bys, a super-easy and super-duper delicious chocolate bundt cake from caroline's bake shop. adangerm crutched her way into the kitchen and very helpfully pointed me to ingredients and various baking acccoutrements. the conversation revolved around boys (natch), the us weekly magazine cover story about jason mesnick, the biggest butthead in bachelor history, finally proposing to his second-turned-first choice molly, how mad we were that "glee" had been preempted by the stupid world series two weeks in a row, and how having a cast for 10 weeks is not that awesome, especially when some of those weeks will be spent in spain.



whew!



someone get this girl some cake!








done and done.

bliss bike bliss

the bottom line about me and halloween is that i hate it. for one thing, i eat candy every day of the year, so why do i need to put on some lame and/or scandalous costume to do that very thing on this particular day?

but the trouble with me and halloween is that that excuse usually doesn't get me very far, so i usually find myself stuck at some party, wearing the same fairy wings (usually over normal clothes) that i have worn on halloween for the past four years.

this year, though, i had the perfect excuse to be a halloween hater. and that excuse was dutch bike dutch.

dutch bike dutch is a fund-raising bike ride organized by some of my awesome new friends here, and held every year over the weekend closest to halloween. which happened to be on halloween this year. some people, who are less lame than me, bring their halloween spirit along.

the ride took us through 30 miles of gorgeous amish country with farms, cows, charming little graveyards (very halloween-ey, no?) and covered bridges.

oh, and hills.

we also said hello to your thanksgiving dinner.

it felt so good (like, really, really good) to be back on my bike after too long of an absence, and i loved pedaling all day with these crazy kids.

plus, there was tons of leftover halloween candy waiting when i got home. just the way i like it.