in and out: a review

i was over at segullah this weekend, posting about the inner vessel and the outer vessel and consumerism and wearing sweatpants to target and, well, as you can probably tell it was all a bit of a jumble, but feel free to have a read.

and despite the fact that i wasn't quite sure what i was trying to get around to, not to mention how i was going to get around to it, i was so inspired by the (cyber)conversation that resulted from that post.

ultimately, i think my point was (is) this. it's OK to want to look nice and to spend time and even money on your appearance, especially if it makes you feel better and act better. but there has to be a balance in all things, and if we are focusing on our outer selves so much that our inner selves are neglected, then the (metaphoric) scales are not tipping in the right direction.

as one commenter said, "i suppose it would be helpful to... ask ourselves something like, 'is my confidence based on knowing i’m a daughter of God, or because i look really awesome in these great jeans?' i love my well fitted jeans, but if that’s where my confidence lies, there’s a problem."

i also loved this idea that maybe instead of judging people based on what we perceive as a sloppy or unkempt appearance, we should pay more attention to what that appearance is telling us about the needs of one of our sisters: "our environment, our own personal physical environment, does effect how we feel and communicates something about what is going on inside. even when you run to target in sweats to get a baby’s Rx you’re communicating that through your harried look, sweatpants, and screaming baby in tow. if we recognized the hidden messages people send out in these ways we would be better able to reach out and serve them."

but really, it was the message that we shouldn't be judging each other at all that came out to me most strongly. i don't want to be dismissed as shallow or irresponsible or haughty because i feel better with an expensive haircut and a cute outfit. so how can i possibly feel OK about dismissing someone as lazy or insecure or indifferent because she prefers a ponytail and sweats?

or, as this commenter said, "i have a lot of sympathy for women who’d rather not be caught wearing sweat pants to target, but no admiration for women who criticize other women for doing so."

amen.

because ultimately the story told in our eyes and on our faces, and the reflection of our heavenly father and savior's love in our countenances is the best accessory we can have.

what are your thoughts on the topic?

fear factor

it is that time again, when i head over to segullah to spill forth wit and wisdom. today we are talking about conquering fears and why i look awesome in a wet suit.

don't be scared and join us!

the plastics

deride it though some people might, celebrity gossip has brought a lot of wonderful things into my life.

like today's post over at segullah.

that's right. a philosophical and even spiritual exploration prompted by spencer and heidi from the hills.

i would say stranger things have happened, but actually i am not so sure.

guess who's paying for dinner?: post script

i was over at segullah on saturday, posting about dating and money. two things that never cause any problems and that everyone can agree on. (not.)

i would, naturally, encourage you to read the whole post, but for my time-pressed fans i offer the following synopsis. the basic gist of the post is that, despite my desire (demand?) for gender parity and equality in nearly everything else, i still expect boys to pay for dates. even (gasp!) when i am pretty sure i make more money than they do.

a shocking revelation to be sure, and i was expecting to be soundly villified in the comments section. to the contrary, however, there was a general defense of my position, which i ultimately found more alarming than an outpouring of hatred.

obviously the "whoever asks, pays" rule of thumb was referenced, and i think that is a good and fair thing, and a rule i abide by myself. but there also seemed to be a consensus that asking on, and particularly paying for dates is just a natural extension and expression of traditional gender roles, and so is to be accepted and even celebrated.

and that is where i lost the bubble.

it happens that i have a thing against gender roles. now, don't get me wrong. i don't have a thing against the obvious truth that men and women are different. and i might even go so far as to say there are things each gender can do that the other cannot. say, childbirth. or maybe benchpressing 200 pounds.

i do not think, however, that paying for dates falls into the category of divinely attributed gender specifics, and the fact that gender roles could be invoked to defend my point of view makes me think that maybe it is a point of view i shouldn't have at all.

my cousin-in-law nate made the argument that seems most sensible to me, which is that though inconsistent with feminist theory, my attachment to the social norm of men paying for dates works to my economic advantage and so, from the standpoint of economic theory it makes perfect sense.

(i also completely agree with nate's assessment that from a cost-benefit analysis, taking me out to dinner also makes perfect sense.)

ultimately though, i think the whole thing boils down to this. marriage relationships should be about partnership and the equal sharing of burdens of all kinds, and who shoulders what type of burden is up for discussion based on every couple's needs and wants. and if the purpose of dating is to prepare us for marriage, then it seems like a good place to practice this sort of give-and-take.

given the aforementioned economic incentive of free dinners, movies and all the rest, i am not sure this is something i can translate from words to deeds with lightning speed, but i have certainly been given cause to think that maybe my approach isn't all that great.

before i make any rash decisions, though, i want to hear more about what you think. so, don't be shy! hop into the comments and let me have it!

(and, if you are a cute boy reading this, don't be shy! hop into the comments and ask me out to dinner! for real.)

now you see it

i am asking the deep questions over at segullah today.

won't you join me?

prep school

one of the wishes of my heart has been granted, and i now have a regular spot over on the segullah blog. world (wide web) domination is within my reach!

you, too, can join in my conquering, by checking out my latest (small) epiphany.

won't you?

pretty please?