Monday, January 12, 2009

and the winner is...

i know the suspense is probably KILLING you, but before i make the big reveal, i have a little story to tell. it goes like this.

once upon a time (this weekend), my dear and former roommate, susan, came to visit. we had a lovely time watching movies and eating food and planning (but, sadly, not executing) snow shoeing trips and laughing a lot, and when monday morning came susan left for the airport to catch her flight home. except that her flight was cancelled. and if you guessed that she was flying delta, then you guessed right! (no prize for that one, though.)

though a royal pain, this change of plans was good news because it meant more time with susan before she left us. and it also reinforces the importance of the task we are here to honor today. so, without further ado, i present the winners!

(drum roll, etc.)

(and also i should add that my dad, who hatched this contest in the first place, helped pick the winners. he didn't even vote for himself, so you know these are unbiased choices.)

first place goes to steve for "driving every last traveler away."

for steve we have none other than a "magic rainbow drawing board" (no pens necessary!), perfect for writing secret notes about other people in the terminal while you are sitting waiting for your delayed flight. also a good tool for sending rude messages to unhelpful airline employees without actually having to talk to them.

second place goes to (codename) doovie for "doesn't ever leave the airport."

doovie will soon be the proud owner of a rubiks cube, the perfect non-electronic device to keep you occupied as you sit on the tarmac, sometimes for hours, waiting for some vague mechanical problem to be addressed. and, in case you get stumped, the clerk at walgreens gave me a tip for solving the cube. just peel off the stickers and rearrange them so it looks like you solved it. tricky, eh?

and third place was a tie between (codename) reno for "dumb employees laboring to annoy" and natalie for "doing every little thing abominably."

you lovely ladies will each be receiving a luggage tag, which will come in handy when you have to pick out your suitcase in a room filled with hundreds of other pieces of stowed-away luggage because your suitcase somehow flew the coop without you.

let's hear three cheers for our winners! actually, three cheers for everyone! because, as my mom always reminds us, we're all winners. if you are a for real winner and i don't have your address, send it along and i'll pop your prize in the mail. i'll even throw in a hand-written note, and do my best to make it legible. to the rest of you, i am sending my undying affection through the ether, which is probably the best gift of all.

and, not to worry, everyone is still invited to the mtv music video awards. i am sure brandon flowers won't mind.


steve said...

I'd like to thank all of the little people. It's such an honor to receive this award. I'd like to thank the academy. I'd like to thank all of the apathetic Detla employees, who, spend their countless days brushing off customers, pretending to care (but not really), and giving new meaning to the phrase "it's not my job".

Susan said...

along the lines of "pretending to care" i've recently started to notice the trend of "pretending to provide rational excuses," that seems calculated to provide endless amusement and exasperation.

for example, while flying back to sacramento i overheard one of the stewardesses saying "well, on short flights like these we only serve one kind of snack." what of the biscoff cookies and crackers that i have consumed during many-a-flight over the deserts of Nevada? they must have been a hallucination.

another explanation provided to us before we boarded the plane seemed equally weird. an airport employee had announced that boarding was delayed because our plane had come directly from mexico, and because of this, the entire inside portion of the plane had to be dismantled and reassembled by security before we could board.

i'm sure they were tearing open the seats and removing kilos of cocaine as she spoke. all that sewing-up of the upholstry sure slowed things down.