plus one

{to the summit of self-improvement!}

there has been a lot of facebook status updating of the "so and so is giving up such and such for lent" variety over the past week or so, which is all very admirable and fine and good, but i have to say that i am not totally sold on this "give up something (usually trivial) for lent" idea.

of course, as with every religious observance, there are people who take lent adequately seriously and, no doubt, use it as a starting point for lasting and positive reflection and change. and, more power to them. but i feel like a lot of lent "sacrifices," while certainly good-intentioned, boil down to pretty trivial goals based in nothing more noble than self-inflicted deprivation. and i am just not on board for that. i could, for example, make the goal to give up diet coke for lent but a) i probably wouldn't actually do it and b) even if i did give it up for 40 days i would start drinking it again as soon as those 40 days were up and then what would i have accomplished? not much.

personally, i am always much more successful when i add things instead of taking things away. and, if i am adding good and worthwhile things, they slowly push out the bad things i shouldn't be doing anyway. so, instead of saying "no more TV online," i can say, "read a book for half an hour a day" and suddenly there isn't as much time for TV online as there was before (sorry jim halpert. but, call me!). or, instead of "no more negative thoughts" (is that even possible?) i can say, "give five compliments a day" and at least some of my negative thoughts will be replaced with something better.

isn't this fun?

(also, i should probably say that i am under no illusions that no one has ever thought of this idea in the history of the world before me, and there are probably plenty of people using it this very lent. but, it's what i am thinking about and, hence, what you are reading about. so there.)

after this little soap-box moment it's probably no big surprise that i have never given up anything for lent, but this year i decided to take the opportunity to put my "add something good" idea into official, lent-ish practice.

my inspiration came in our book club discussion about "gilead" (are you reading it yet?), about a passage where the narrator, an aged preacher, writes to his young son about the ten commandments. of all the commandments, he says, "thou shalt not covet" is the hardest to keep. and then he says, "i have always found it easier to mourn with those who mourn than to rejoice with those who rejoice."

i could not agree more, and i have thought about this idea a lot (and i mean, a lot) over the past couple of years. it can be really hard to feel happy for other people all the time, especially when they are being blessed with things for which you are still waiting. it is not, of course, that i feel sad when other people have cause to rejoice, but there can come a pang of disappointment, envy or even resentment that it was not me instead. to truly rejoice with others, with no thought at all for what we want and may not have, is a task more difficult than we give credit.

one thing that has helped me is to remember that life and blessings are not a sum zero game. just because someone else gets a particular blessing doesn't mean there is any less of that blessing left over for me, whatever that blessing might be. just because someone else gets it first doesn't mean i can't just get it later.

and now, the lesson has expanded. i was really struck by the idea of tying the ability to rejoice with others to avoiding covetousness, and it fits in perfectly with the idea of adding good instead of just subtracting bad. instead of just saying, "i am not going to covet any more," (again, is that even possible?), if i can learn to truly rejoice when others rejoice, to be happy for someone else with no thought to myself or my have-nots, there will be less and less room in my heart for disappointment or anger or sadness or jealousy or coveting, because my heart will be so filled up with real, true, pure joy.

doesn't that sound nice?

i think i'll call it the "plus one experiment," and lent seems as good a time as any to start (you have to start somewhere, right?), though i am quite sure it will take me more than 40 days to master this one. luckily, i'll have all that diet coke to help see me through.