Monday, August 20, 2012

bottom. up.

i am just going to cut to the chase and say that last week was absolutely, hands-down and positively the worst week of my entire life. and this is not a case of "bennett hyperbole," as AWD likes to call it. it really was just that rotten.

the week started out with unexpected and very bad news, it ended with loss and disappointment and in between there was a lot (a lot) of crying and and questioning and wondering.

but, in between there was also so much love and support and kindness and empathy from people we love who love us, too, and somehow we have come out on the other end and it looks like we're going to make it after all.

i have decided a couple things as a result of all this yuck.

1. the lord is in charge and he has a plan and i might as well just believe it even though i will probably never fully understand it. trying too hard to find reason and logic will just make me crazy; faith will bring comfort and peace.

2. one silver lining in the cloud of our worst fears coming to pass is that we learn we can triumph over our worst fears. that's not a bad thing to know.

3. sadness is sadness and loss is loss and it should be mourned for as long as it takes. certainly life must and does go on, but i feel totally fine about allowing myself to feel sad for as long as i want, and i am not going to apologize for that.

4. good things happen even in bad times. here are some of the things that have made me happy in the midst of feeling so very sad.

{flowers, flowers, flowers and flowers}

{ice cream, ice cream and ice cream}

{matinee movie dates}

{friday afternoon lunch and a shopping spree with EH}

{sunday morning feasts. bacon extraextra crispy}

{my sent-from-heaven husband who i wake up loving more every single day even though i can't imagine loving him more than i already do. how much easier it is to do hard things when i have him to do them with!}

and so we survive, and this week is already off to a much better start than the last one and i might even make it to bed tonight without having shed a single tear. but if i don't, that's OK, too.


SRA said...

Whatever happened, I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling. I'm doing a lot of struggling of my own, though I'm pretty sure the type mine has taken on is far different from yours. You are definitely blessed to have someone with whom to go through these things.

Abby said...

Oh Frances, my heart goes out to you. I am sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you are taking the time to heal and recognize that it's okay to do that.

I think I might go buy myself a bouquet of flowers today. I need something bright and cheery around here.

Nancy K. said...

so sorry, frances. thinking of you.