timeout

a few days ago briana and i went to a workshop about time management. we were late. so that should give you a pretty good idea of how good i am at managing my time.

anyway.

i wasn't sure what to expect, but i thought it might be something along the lines of: don't overschedule yourself, don't agree to things you know you can't do, get enough sleep, take "me time," wear a watch, buy a planner, "be your word" and maybe some other stuff that i couldn't even think of because i am such a bad time manager to begin with.

instead, the presenter (excuse me, life coach) took us through this really cool exercise of identifying our core values. if you know your core values, she said, you instantly become a better time manager, because the only things that are worth doing are things that line up with the values that are most important to you. if something doesn't line up with your guiding values, you can just dismiss it out of hand (though exceptions can and should be made for vampire romance novels).

so, first we all wrote down an example of someone, someone we know or someone we don't, who stood up for their values even when it was inconvenient and unpopular. martin luther king, jr., the suffragettes and my mom were some examples. (my example was the time when my mom was approached by some people to select a family to receive a secret santa christmas, and then the people didn't want to help the family she chose because the people felt like that family had brought their misfortune on themselves. i don't mean to judge, but those people were really, really lame. my mom, who is not lame, did christmas for this family herself.)

then we all wrote down what a value or a value system is to us. something that guides you? something that is imposed on you by family, or a religion? a responsibility? a privilege? something for you or something for other people? something static or dynamic? something that affects every part of your life or just some parts? something that you follow all the time or just when you want to? how you define it influences how you follow it, so defining it is pretty important. we talk about "values" a lot, and it was nice to put my own meaning on it, something i could get my head around and make some sense of. for inquiring minds, i define my value system as something that helps me accomplish the things that matter most to me, but also something that focuses me outward, towards helping other people.

next we flipped our little worksheets over. there was an enormous list of values on the other side. the presenter (life coach) told us to go through and circle every single one that stuck out to us. there were all kinds of things to circle: endeavor, be amused, educate, uplift, originality, assemble, imagination, set standards, adept, tenderness, part of a community, energize, move forward, in touch with, to experience, and the list goes on. there were also lots of things i didn't want to circle: risk, danger, govern, rule, preeminence, prevail, score, energy flow, sensations, attractiveness, religious. (no one panic. i did circle relate with God, honoring, devoting and holy, which i think are all better than just plain religious anyway.)

from there, we narrowed our long list of circles down to ten: influence, set standards, serve, improve, be connected, family, part of community, learn and accomplish were mine.

then it got hard. we had to narrow our ten down to three. from those ten things, which were the absolutely, indisputably most important things that i couldn't live without? i finally settled on: learn, improve and be connected.

and i feel pretty good about it.

ultimately, i feel like those things encompass all the other values i circled originally. i can be connected to my family, my community, God. i can improve myself and the situation of others by serving, honoring, being accepting. i can learn by experiencing, using my imagination, embracing the unknown.

i also learned that sometimes the end is not as important as the means. accomplish, for example, was one of my ten values, and i think it's pretty important. a lot of the work i have done in my life has been to accomplish something: finishing college, a mission, meeting a deadline, crossing off goals. i like to accomplish. but the things required to accomplish are, ultimately, more important to me than the accomplishing itself. i didn't know that before.

all in all, a most enlightening and well spent evening, and i highly recommend trying it. there is something really empowering about knowing what is most important to you, knowing why you act the way you do and make the choices you make. it certainly has the potential to remove the need to justify every decision we make, which can only be a good thing if you ask me.

the only trouble?

"none of these really include an addiction to vampire romance," i whispered to briana.

"that's why you need to add this one," she said.

and then she circled, "be hedonistic."

what a friend.

p.s. this and other empowerment sessions are free to you if you become a member of the ywca. (i know you wanna!) for more information, go here.