cruel summer

the other day, when i was packing my suitcase for idaho and grandpa's funeral, AWD came into the room and asked how i was doing and i just started to cry and blurted out, "this has been the worst summer ever!"

and, to be honest, it kind of has been. i've been looking forward to putting it all in my rearview mirror. and a trip to china seems like a perfect way to start!

and so, we're off.

to here.

and here.

and here.

and here.

you can expect a full report when we get back.

so long til then!

date night

on friday night, AWD and i rolled over to the northeast quadrant of the district and spent a lovely evening on h street.

we started with delicious pizza.

then saw cousin peter win a script competition at the dc shorts film festival. (way to go, peter!)

and finished up with pie.

as a bonus, we saw a car shaped like a banana on our way back to our sadly normally shaped car.

(it reminded me of this really funny muppets sketch that they show sometimes before a movie starts where fozzie comes into the theater talking on a banana like it's a phone and he says really loudly, "i can't hear you! i have a banana in my ear!" man alive, do i think that is funny.)

all in all, a date night success.

out and about

the weather here has been per-fect lately, just turning the corner into delicious fall. i haven't been able to spend nearly as much time outside in the glory as i would like, but yesterday i had a morning meeting downtown so i got in a lot of metro to-and-fro strolling. plus a midday lunch-date with AWD, here.

he even bought me an ice cream to eat on my way back to the train. and that was delicious, too.

idaho, calling me home

it was a lovely funeral and a lovely weekend in idaho where the sunrise looks like this.

selfishly, i was a little glad about the whole thing because it meant that i got to see my aunts and uncles and cousins who i had missed seeing earlier in the summer because we didn't make it to the family reunion.

we took a break from leftover ham and funeral potatoes (my mom as we were driving from the cemetery to the luncheon put on by the relief society: "i hope they haven't changed the menu.") and had an early saturday morning breakfast at local favorite, the buffalo, where even if you eat half of what's on your plate you have a whole lot left.

we went down to the festival at perrine bridge, where there were base jumpers, cotton candy and a police car open for exploring.

and my dad let his doctor brother remove a mole from his face. the rest of us went to watch as moral support/nosy interlopers. (sorry, no pictures.)

there was also lots of time sitting and laughing and talking with family, which is my favorite thing of all. in the end it was rather a wonderful weekend, just the way grandpa would have wanted it, i think.

paper hearts

one year (and two days ago) this happened.

one year later, we did this to celebrate.

{dinner at columbia firehouse, our wedding dinner location. this time we got to eat everything}

{kissing}

{paper gifts. a stack of books for me, a journal where i recorded one thing i love about AWD every day for the past year, for him}

despite the recent rough patch(es) that have come our way, i have to say the past year (and two days) has just been the best ever. i am happy and comfortable and loved in a way i never imagined. as AWD proclaimed, "marriage is the life for me!"

so, one year down. eternity to go. 

and now, on a happier note...

... this is how we spent labor day weekend.

sun. sand. waves. food. friends. even dolphins frolicking in the surf. i was never much of a beach vacation person, but north carolina's outer banks are changing my mind.

bliss.

god be with you

my grandfather was a barrel-chested pillar of a man who, legend has it, could bear-hug a refrigerator and move it all by himself.

when i was a child he had a beautiful garden filled with big flowers and delicious vegetables and he would wake up in the middle of the night to irrigate it according to the county water schedule.

his grilled turkey, marinated in sprite (!), is one of the most delicious things there is to eat.

he refused to drive ford cars, but always had a ford pick-up truck.

my grandfather was generous. with gifts, yes, but also with praise and love. he might not have understood what you were doing, he might not have understood why, but he was always always so proud. and he told you so every time he talked to you.

my grandfather was a great patriarch. he prayed over meals and over his family. he loved his sweetheart and, though he might not have said it in so many words, i think it is safe to say that the legacy of his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren is the thing that gave him the most pride and joy.

he and my grandmother came all the way to boston when i graduated from college. it was a big day for me, but it seemed almost like it was a bigger day for them. the fact that they would come so far and sit in the hot sun to watch me, as a little speck, get my college diploma, taught me a lot about how important that accomplishment was.

one time we begged for a novelty set of glasses from pizza hut that had scenes from "the great muppet caper" on them. he bought them. every year on the fourth of july he handed us a wad of cash so we could buy a huge stash of (mostly legal) fireworks to set off in the driveway once the sun had gone down.

on summer nights in the old house, we would sit out on the front patio, under the glow and sizzle of the bug zapper. on those nights, and at all other times, grandpa was a man of few words but those words always included, "i love you." at the end of every conversation, every phone call, it was the same. i love you.

we miss you, grandpa. and we love you, too.

when it rains

a little while back i wrote a post about how everything was moving along so smoothly and honky-dory like that i was getting nervous something terrible was about to happen. but i decided to enjoy the moment instead of stressing about what might (or might not) be coming.

remember that?

well, it turns out the universe has a wicked sense of humor.

a week after i wrote that post i found out i was unexpectedly (though not unwelcome-ly) pregnant.

surprise!

then i spent a month sick. i missed a bunch of work, a bunch of plans and a big family reunion in idaho with every single one of my cousins. it was sad.

but then i got really excited about having a little baby. and it all seemed perfect.

then i went in for my first trimester ultrasound a few weeks ago and my little baby didn't have a heartbeat at nine weeks.

so, one month to the day that i found out i was pregnant, i went in for surgery to take care of the remnants of my miscarriage. it was the saddest worst thing that has ever happened to me.

but people are so nice and heavenly father is so good and i was starting to feel better.

and then this morning my sweet and much beloved grandpa johnson passed away. it's hard to feel too sad because he was old and sick and in so much pain and he is not any of those things anymore. but it's hard not to feel sad at all knowing he won't be around anymore.

so, i'd just like to say one thing to myself: i told you so. my pessimistic suspicions were correct. i was on the cusp of some really hard things and the past couple of months have really worn me out in every way that a person can be worn.

but i'd also like to tell myself something else: hard things are nothing to be afraid of. i am glad i chose to enjoy those good moments while i was having them, because worrying through them would have been a waste. there are some things that have happened to me since then that i can honestly say i wish had never happened at all, but i am surviving all of them. little by little i am making it through. and i have even managed to find some joy in these struggles.

i'll take a little bit of a risk here and say i hope that this particular storm has passed. i could use a rest and some recuperation. but, if it continues to rage i will continue to weather it. and when the sun comes again i will love it all the more.