Tuesday, May 17, 2011

i've loved you so long

i made briana's favorite shortbread recipe the other night.

it came out both crumbly and slightly underdone, which remains a mystery. but, everyone said they were delicious and when people say that something i made is delicious, i always decide to believe them.

i really wished bri was around so i could call her and ask if it was normal for her favorite shortbread recipe to come out both crumbly and underdone.

and when i am driving home from work i really wish that she was around so that i could call her and catch up like i used to do.

but, otherwise, i feel so much peace and calm and normalcy that sometimes i wonder if i am doing something wrong. am i not grieving correctly? not grieving enough?

should i be doing something more? more crying? more talking? more... more?

i think the answer is no.

we all grieve in different ways, which i know in the abstract but am learning in real time.

over these past few weeks, though, i have felt like if i could talk to bri right now she would tell me not to worry about her at all. i get the impression that life is busy and happy on the other side.

turns out life is also pretty busy and happy here. which is just the way i want it to be. and, i think, just the way bri wants it to be, too.

1 comment:

Evan and Holly said...

I am not sure about the short bread recipe and how it is supposed to come out. I've thought about making it, but I barely able to get dinner on the table. I some times feel like that too---about the grief and the wanting to call her. I told Evan that I have this really strong urge to text her like it would somehow cross the veil. But I'm too afraid someone actually has her phone. I think that you are doing great! You're getting married! It is happy and busy. I think you'll feel it when you feel it.