first our girls marry, then they love

with arranged marriage the norm in india, and the whole thing usually going down when girls are between the ages of 22 and 25, a 26-year-old unmarried woman was something of a mystery to most of the people i met (though several of them assured me it's not completely hopeless until you turn 30). consider the following conversation.

rotarian: you're unmarried? so you're a bachelor.
me: actually, bachelors are just men.
rotarian: oh, of course. you're a spinster!
me (mortified and amused): actually, i'm just single.

even the most westernized, strong-headed girl would not even think of crossing or defying her parents when it comes to marriage. and most people (actually, most men i should say) didn't understand what the (rather, my) problem was. didn't my parents know any nice boys?

i sat at dinner one night in a long conversation with one of our hosts, trying to explain to him that it took more than just knowing nice people. i had to like them and they had to like me back and we had to like eachother in the same way and we had to want at least some of the same things... it's really not so simple, you see. the host nodded his head and said, "i think now i understand."

a few minutes later he got the attention of the whole table (not a small group) and said, "i finally understand why it is so difficult to get married in america. frances has explained it to me. she likes lots of people, but none of them like her back."

as the indigo girls say, "you have to laugh at yourself. because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't."