a few days ago i rode on top of a baby elephant.
i also met a woman named renate. she is originally from germany, but emigrated to the united states, married an american man, had a son and built a business in portland. when he was 20 years old, her only son died of cancer, her marriage fell apart and a friend convinced her to come to india. fourteen years later, she is still here, now married to an indian man.
this was fascinating to me. with my time in india winding down quickly (less than one week!) i can honestly say that it has been an extraordinary, overwhelming, frustrating and wonderful experience that i will be very sad to see end. but, i have remained unconvinced that i would want to do it again. i think i'm still in the "might come back to india" camp. maybe i just love upright toilets, warm showers, safe tap water and personal space too much. so, it was intriguing to me that renate would permanently give those things up. she said she went back to the states four years ago and was so homesick for india that she booked an early flight home, and she hasn't been back to the states since.
part of it, she said, is that her heart began to heal in india. india changed her, and i can see why you would want to stay in a place that made you who you are. but she said something else really interesting. she said, "in india, you can't have any fear." she loved upright toilets, warm showers, safe tap water and personal space as much as the next person, she said, but she decided to not be afraid. and once she wasn't afraid, she found she could exist here just as well as there.
i don't think i need to move to india, but it was empowering to start embracing the idea that if i wanted to, i could; that there are things i think i need that i don't, and things i things i think i can't do that i can. it's just like india has taught me all along... we don't need to change to make our place in the world, but adapt to fit in the places where we need to be.
and, by the way, riding an elephant was totally awesome.
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i love what your newfound friend said about india. wow, to find that place where you can't have fear an where your heart begins to heal. Maybe that is why returned missionaries love their mission fields so much-- those certainly are places where you can't have fear and where your heart begins to learn what it is to love.
Frances, i might just have to spend my spring break in utah so i can see your pictures and hear the stories directly from you.
love,
suvi
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