new york by way of the new yorker

in what can only be a divinely-inspired coincidence, i was pulled out of work today (not like it was hard to get to me to leave), the very day i am leaving for a long weekend in new york, to attend a luncheon at... the new yorker! chew on that for a minute. deep, huh? (and, my petit filet mignon was divine.)

on the phone with mom

my mother (hi, mom!) is a very capable and talented public relations professional with an entirely bizarre specialty. most of her clients are involved in construction or industrial products of some kind, so she is always talking about duct insulator and paint finishes and her work appears in such highly-circulated periodicals as "concrete decor." (i am not kidding about this. "concrete decor" magazine really exists. and it loves my mom.)

here is a conversation i just had with her.

me: how are things there?
my mom (with a sigh): well, i'm stuck in the middle of a big brouhaha between natural lime and synthetic Italian plaster manufacturers.
me (unable to contain my giggles): ah, the life you lead.
my mom (in all seriousness): i know. i hope i survive.

silence on her end and more giggles on mine. and then, this gem.

my mom: i'm just being silly, frances. i'm sure i'll make it through.

dana-mite

this is a post about our lovely friend, dana. dana came to us in the usually convoluted way of social networks... she had a friend at stanford who knew someone who knew susan, or some such thing, and she popped up in our book club about a year ago, much to everyone's delight. (dana and i also discovered another convoluted and bizarre social connection involving my friend, adam, a bet and jdate.) much to everyone's chagrin (except, i guess, those people whose civil rights she now defends at the department of justice), she left us last summer when her law clerking stint was up, but she was back in town last weekend for a law clerk reunion, which meant a weekend of fun and celebration.

friday, dana, susan and i met up for lunch and some shopping, followed by fruit smoothies/chai/lattes/ (that was the beginning of a very clear food theme.) as i didn't need anything at the mall, i spent most of the time admiring myself in various three-way mirrors.






saturday we lost her to the clutches of the clerks, but it made for great stories, mostly revolving around the judge's ill-advised sweater, as well as some unfortunate eyebrows and the unwanted antics of the man attached to them. sunday we reconvened for dinner and a retelling of our most embarrassing (and hilarious) date stories. i won't attribute them to protect the not-so-innocent but, breaking up with a handicapped person over the phone, a 12-month plan culminating in initial verbal contact, crying on a date and juggling two suitors on valentine's day were some of the winners. (ok, crying on a date was me, and i am not afraid to admit it. what was i supposed to do? he was asleep for sobbing out loud. and sob out loud is exactly what i did.)

behold the documentation of good times had by all.



this is how happy dana and dave are to see eachother. swinging and flying through the air happy.



this is how happy jess is that we all came over. not very.



this is what happens when you say, "dave, let's take a picture together."



this is how i look recovering from a major laughing attack (susan and dana were clearly not similarly afflicted. and dana looks like she might be saying something about me being insane, while susan has the patient look of someone who has seen it all before.)



this is what happens when we don't make room for jess on the couch.



this is what happens when you put dave in charge of taking a group picture with the timer. jess has a lovely wall, doesn't she?




this is what happens when i take over. much better, wouldn't you say?


the weekend of extreme reunion fun may or may not have ended with a midday trip to the movies on monday, disguised as a long lunch/emergency trip to the mechanic. the movie may or may not have been "step up 2: the streets" and it may or may not have been the best movie ever. i'll let you decide.

the case of the spontaneously reproducing baked goods

i went into the break room yesterday morning to get a drink of water, and there was an apple pie sitting on top of the water cooler. a little while later, when i went to get something from the printer, the apple pie had been joined by a peach pie, same size with the equivalent of two slices missing. not too long after that, the pies were joined by a box of cupcakes. no explanation was forthcoming and there was no evident source. it was as if baked goods were spontaneously reproducing on their own. it creeped me out a little, but i can never walk away from a cupcake, especially one with a lot of frosting.

towards the end of the day, my publisher came to my desk, peach pie in his hands and quizzical look on his face.

him: do you know anything about this?
me: no.
pause.
him: are you going to eat any of it?
me: no.
pause.
him: i think i'm going to take it home.

and off he went, pie in hands.

this morning there was only one piece of apple pie left. all traces of the cupcakes, including the large box in which they came, have vanished. the investigation is still open.

the scrabbath

i submit that there is no better way to spend the lazy monday morning of a three-day weekend than playing speed scrabble. and, even better if that speed scrabble is played in a charming cabin in the woods. does anyone disagree?

speed scrabble, for the uninitiated, goes like this. every player takes eight tiles. you have to make words out of those eight tiles and the first person to use up all their tiles says, "go," whereupon every player takes two more tiles. the next person to use all their tiles says "go," everyone takes two more tiles and so on, until all the tiles are gone. the winner is the lucky devil who uses up all his or her tiles first; the losers tally the value of the tiles they have left (that is, if you keep score, which, frankly, i never do).

the game is actually sort of stressful for me. i like to take time to form my words, either out loud or on a board, and the constant "go" yelling gives me a lot of anxiety. (my dad says that's nothing compared to playing scrabble with my grandparents who, he alleges, treat it like a contact sport. i have never witnessed this, but can see how it might be the case.) at any rate, i've had some bad speed scrabble experiences. but this most recent attempt was mighty successful. i even won a round thanks to the word "slutty." what does that mean, you ask? i'll let you decide.



and here are some of my other genius plays. (i will admit that some of these words are suspect: cg, nah and che chief among them. but beveled? gaunt? lieu? you have to admit those are pretty inspired.)





i also submit that there is no better way to unwind from heated speed scrabble matches than to watch "hairspray" (the new one) and then learn the dances from the special features on the dvd. i, sadly, don't have photographic proof that this took place, so you'll just have to take my word for it. morgan, sallee and i rocked it like it was our job. and a fine job indeed.

just now, at the office

my editor: who's prince von a-hole?

the daily documentary project

i would like to tell you a story about my friend dallas. he wasn't always my friend. for a long time, i referred to him as my tall black african. not because he is black or african (he is tall, though), but because dallas and i experienced a series of coincidences not unlike those shared by jason schwartzman and (you guessed it!) the tall black african in "i heart huckabees." allow me to explain.

i first saw dallas performing as part of the utah chamber artists group (he was hard to miss because he is a) tall and handsome and b) younger than the mean age of other utah chamber artists singers by about 30 years). a few days later, i saw him having dinner with some friends at trio. i thought it was strange because i had never seen him ever before and suddenly, there he was, twice in one week, but i didn't say anything. less than a week after that, i ran into him at a kung fu movie (if you know me, you know that i don't frequent kung fu movies, making the level of this coincidence rather extraordinary). i still thought it was strange (there he was! again!) but i still didn't say anything. and then, a few days after that, as i was enjoying a nice toasted tofu sandwich at carlucci's bakery with my friend rosemary, dallas came walking by. this time i accosted him. the conversation went something like this:

me: you don't know me, but we need to be friends.
confused and possibly terrified silence.
me: this is the fourth time i've seen you in two weeks.
dallas: really?
me: yeah. you sing with the utah chamber artists, right?
dallas (skeptically): yes.
me: and did you enjoy your meal at trio?
dallas (contemplating calling for help): yes.
me: and what did you think of the jet li movie?
dallas (ready to run): pretty good i guess.
me: like i said, we need to be friends.

so, we agreed to be friends but didn't exchange numbers or anything (given my approach, that was probably really smart on dallas' part) and then he was gone! first he was everywhere. and then he was gone. but, when i started telling the story, i realized everyone i know knows dallas, too. inevitably, we reconnected a few months ago. and it was time for the friend-ship to set sail. hurrah!

for our first friend date, i went over to the dallas palace to take part in the daily documentary project. dallas is photographing and interviewing people all year long, and putting pictures and podcasts up on his blog. (this will, by the way, surely make all of us famous.) it was oh-so-much fun to pose it up in his home studio, and then sit down for a chat about friend crushes, celebrity obsessions, professional paths and what makes us who we are. you can find all the photos and the podcast at www.montage-creative.blogspot.com (warning: chris very diplomatically referred to my interview as "lengthy at times") and i've posted some favorite shots of me and others below. the daily documentary project is open to one and all. so if you're in the area, hop on board! you won't be sorry.